saudade
by RachelGarfield12
Summary: She was glancing at the odd word, hitting deep, and she ever wondered if that word described her. saudade; nostalgia, the love that remains a desire to be near someone or something distant.


_June 21, 1998_

 _When Mikasa met Levi for the first time, it didn't go well, they hissed like cats and their eyes slanted as if plotting to murder, their blood boiling just at their mere presence. Mikasa thought that she didn't deserve to meet such a grumpy man like him, he was too hygienic, he can be diagnosed with OCD, maybe he even already has that, but she didn't care but to make his blood boil. She wrote in a permanent marker on the whiteboard, and Levi knew she knew that he just ran out of alcohol, and his whiteboard marker was already lying on the black garbage bag just outside their class and worst of all, their Principal was looking at him with such intensity. He made her clean that board and the whole room._

 _Levi thought that he didn't deserve to have a disobedient, sassy and a rude girl who didn't even know the word 'respect'. Everything she did on his classes was to irritate him, purposely not shooting the crumpled paper in the oh so big mouth of the trash can, spilled her damn acrylic in his shirt when she was passing by, and_ that _was his favorite clothing, but she was already gone and he had to vent out his anger at the poor students who were not even good at arts, they were foolish. Their proportions was out of control, and damn did their painting sucks, and who would sketch with a 6b pencil so roughly and just to erase it later on? The worst came when she came back, before he could even yell at her, their principal was just behind her to look at the progress of the students, and Erwin called Mikasa and Erwin pointed to the paper he was holding to the board, telling Mikasa to write because she has a good penmanship._

 _She did it on purpose, she knew he was out of markers and alcohol. He didn't even got to use the whiteboard marker, he usually taught with pencil and on the canvas, the whiteboard was borrowed by Hanji, who accidentally deleted her power point in her Biology classes, and from what he heard with the groaning students passing by, Hanji filled the two boards with notes. He was pleased with their expressions, they deserve to take those notes when they were just usually skipping class. It was already finals and students, he saw, bags are hugging their eyes and some sunken and they looked like zombies walking in the hallway. Back to that infuriating girl, she wrote in the board while maintaining that dazed and calm look in her eyes. He knew she knew that he was infuriated, his teeth baring, and he looked as if he was about to murder her, he would've already done it long time ago, but the principal is there, he has to maintain his calm. When the art class ended, and all students has already packed their bags, and the principal left after taking the paper from Mikasa._

 _When the door closed and there was pure silence, after ten seconds he was already marching to the girl who was innocently packing her bag as if she didn't do anything wrong. When she looked up he grabbed her collar and she was lifted from kneeling position to a standing position and his face was so near he can see the hidden freckles in her face, he can feel her shiver, feel her breath, feel her fear in that gaze, and her lips parted, and he was left to stare at that plump pink lips of her. He'd consider kissing her if it happened in a different situation not if when she dirtied his board that he rarely used._

 _"You, are going to clean this board and this room, I must not see any specs of dust in the corner, I don't want to see any scab of acrylic in these stands, am I clear?" If Mikasa was sure he was scary when shouting, then whispering in anger is a different case, she wasn't really that scared, but with such a close proximity and the way he gazed at her, she was shivering her heart was fluttering and her cheeks was getting warm. She nodded minutely, and replied, "Y-yes, Sir. . ."_

 _Levi released her with a push and she stepped a few steps back and she didn't even realized that he already released him, he sat back down with his teacher desk and sat down and stared at her, she was like a prey being watched by the hunter, like in a spotlight. Her heart was now palpitating the way he gazed more at her._

 _"Hoi, damn brat start cleaning the mess you made."_

 _She ended up crashing her lips with his._

 _December 2, 2003_

 _Levi regretted making her clean that board five years ago and ended up crashing his lips with her, even cleaning how can she looks so pretty and dare he say, hot. It was already summer that time, and the rooms had to open their window for they cannot maximized their AC Unit, even with the fans blasted, and the windows opened it didn't give them anything on what they really wanted. When Mikasa was cleaning the board, beads of sweat was beginning to drop from the edges of her hair, and he followed one bead of sweat travelling from her defined neck and disappeared in her cleavage. Men had their desires and kissing that girl was a desire of a man named Levi._

 _And he did it._

 _She smelt of jasmine and of the earth, she fit perfectly in his muscular frame, and he wasn't sure why he hated this girl in the first place._

Soft, _Levi noted,_ Her lips was soft.

* * *

 _December 25,2000_

 _He had to leave, he has to finish something in Asia, where in Asia he didn't mentioned, and she allowed her, and he told her to wait, and they departed with a promise._

 _"Come back. . ." Mikasa said as she nuzzled against his neck and he hugged her and kissed the crown of her head and he said yes, yes I will come back home for you._

 _"I'll make the house you wanted so long, wait for me.. wait for me..."_

 _And she waited._

 _And he departed._

 _And he cried as soon as he disappeared from her sight_

 _Wait for me..._

* * *

December 25, 2018

Mikasa was walking in the cold,breezy night, she was shivering and held the woolen jacket close to her body and her gloves was of no use, the sidewalk was getting slippery and snow was falling faster, and she's having more trouble to walk when the snow is already reaching her knees, she didn't even know why she went out of their house, Levi wasn't home yet, he was still working and he'll be back from what country was it again? She didn't remembered it was too long since they last met. What saddened her was that Levi wasn't able to acquire a phone, he had to leave so early... for years she's waiting for him, craving for his touch, his sweet whispers as they laid in the Yeager's rooftop, the night was filled with those twinkling stars and they named constellations, comparing those constellations to them and they laughed, and they talked til Mrs. Yeager scolded them for being so long outside.

She shivered and breathed out forming a cloud, as it struck against freezing air, and she stumbled by a warm cafe that had a lounge in the right, tables in the middle, and a big darkened area but has a little lighting, a library, there was no customer beside her and the boy behind the cashier looked at her expectantly, his eyes screamed, _buy something._

The place was great it was silent and a soft, faded piano was playing on the radio, and she marched at the cashier and the brunette boy straightened his back and asked for her order.

 _They were sitting on his place it was winter and it was freezing outside, and he landed a coffee, and he said,_

"Black coffee, just plain."

The boy stared at her and nodded and she left her payment in the cashier and went to the little library and made herself comfortable in the flexible foamed chair and she was scrolling through the spines of the book so perfectly dusted and they looked new, and she just grabbed a book, and the black coffee and her change was already on the coffee table in front of her and she just randomly opened the book and her eyes landed on the word.

 _saudade._

She was glancing at the odd word, hitting deep, and she ever wondered if that word described her. saudade; nostalgia, the love that remains a desire to be near someone or something distant.

 _Levi. . ._

 _"Wait for me. . ."_

Tears rolled at her eyes, she missed him so damn much, missed his rude remarks, missed those steel-gazed eyes that bore at her every morning, she missed that strong embrace that made her feel safe. Where is he? She wonders. . . Where are you now? She asked in her mind over and over again. . .

She wiped her tears away, when a tall blonde man entered the cafe and their eyes met, his eyes was like the ocean, so bright, shining as if the light was reflecting from it, she realized that he seemed to know her the moment his eyes raised. He marched towards her and she straightened her body as he sat across from her.

"Remember me, Ackerman?" With his voice, yes, yes Ackerman realized him, her principal, she nodded slowly. "Principal Smith." She smiled and his eyes glowed with happiness that she still recognized her yet it turned back to his usually stony faced.

"Remember Levi?"

She jumped at that.

"Mikasa. . ." He said slowly. . . and his eyes seemed sad as he looked at her.

"I'm sorry. Levi died fighting in Syria at 2012."

* * *

I just wanted to sympathized with the people and the current of the situation they're in, please pray for them.


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